Five Reasons I Hate Running

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In the interest of balance, a little spoonful of negativity after yesterday’s explosion of upbeat blogging. Still short, not so sweet maybe!

1. It interferes with laziness

Sometimes it’s supercool just doing nothing. Running disrupts this slothful harmony. It’s not just the time spent running, it’s the effort involved in getting ready, getting warmed up, and getting your arse in gear. Sometimes my arse prefers to be in neutral thank you very much.

2. You look like a douchebag

On the rare occasion you look like a hard bastard, running is a good look. However, the majority of time spent running is spent looking like a sweaty, red faced, out of puff goon – half on the brink of death, half on the brink of puking. Attractive at any speed.

3. People LOOK at you

It’s like they’ve never seen another human in motion before. And they don’t just look – they LOOK. Though perhaps they do so because of the point above. I like to think they’re jealous, but I soon realise that looking like a boiled sausage in ill-fitting capris is an unenviable claim to fame.

4. The guilt when you don’t run

Everyone needs a rest day. Or two. But after the initial euphoria of knowing you don’t have to pull on those trainers fades, you feel like guilty. Like you’re purposefully undoing all your good work and when you run again, it’ll be like starting from scratch. Plus you are wary of everything you put in your mouth (gigitty), as you know that the old metabolism has shifted down a gear.

5. Overproduction of bodily fluids

Who knew the human body could produce such a varied amount of icky things in the pursuit of fitness? Sweat, snot, phlegm, tears – sometimes all at once! Seriously unattractive. And that’s just in the non-hayfever months! The only good thing about this? There is nothing more satisfying/cleansing than blowing your nose into your sweaty top when you get in from a run, before balling it up and firing it into the washing machine. Unapologetic trampiness. Bliss.

Feel free to share your loves and hates about running here, or blast over to Twitter – @bigfatmarathon

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One thought on “Five Reasons I Hate Running

  1. Number 3. Absolutely, emphatically, number 3. This is why I so rarely run outside. I hate when people just stare… and they aren’t even surreptitious about it. I plan to work on staring back. Perfect some sort of crazy-eyed sociopathic gaze that suggests I’m capable of retaliating in unpleasant ways. Maybe people would realize they’re being enormous douche-wads if someone gave them back a bit of that awkward staring.

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