Red and Blue – no white.


It’s Saturday morning. I’m up and about and having my first coffee of the day! In a few hours I’ll be running around Newry City’s sexy new running track, so I need a wee injection of caffeine to get me ready. It’s part of the ‘ritual’, that and a shower. Does anyone else shower before a run? I always seem to have a good run when I’ve showered first! Lord knows, if I thought covering myself in shit before a run would guarantee a successful one, I’d probably do it.

I reckon I’ve hit a running crisis. The honeymoon period of my training plan has passed me by, and I’m now into a seven week itch. Example – last Sundays long run of fourteen miles was fine. It was my longest yet, and despite walking the last three miles due to it being a constant hill, my pace was dead on. Tuesday called for a five miler, which I decided to do in the gym. I also decided to forgo my ‘wonderpants’ (these hold all my swaying skin in) and wore ordinary wags. Bad idea. They burrowed their way into my arse like they were hunting for diamonds. So I went into the toilets and ditched the boxers! I tried going commando. WORST IDEA EVER. I did thirty minutes on the bike as it was the only way I could ensure I wouldn’t circumcise myself.

Wednesday came, another five miler. On the road, very few hills. It was magical. My first five miles in under an hour! Wheeeeeeee! I felt great, though my legs were getting sore. They seem to be constantly letting me down.

Thursday. Another five. I just couldn’t be arsed. Everything hurts. My legs feel heavy and tight, my tendon/bone thing is throbbing, and now my right ankle is starting to feel sore too. I also spent the whole day feeling cold, I couldn’t get warmed up at all. I opted for a long sleeve and headed out to do a route that would be fairly flat, and gentle on my legs. I walked a mile and a half in 26 minutes. Not because my feet were sore or because my legs felt like phone boxes, I just couldn’t have been arsed. I had no inclination, drive, or enthusiasm. My mind was full of things that had happened that day, and my negative inner monologue was stronger than my Olympic spirit. People say running clears the mind? Bollocks. My mind needs to be clear when I start.

I came home, sat down, and cried like a big baby. Big, fat, marathon tears.

So today, I hope to do something half decent on this new track. It’s flat, so hopefully my legs will thank me for that. I’m blue about my poor form, but I think part of my blue is caused by Red. As in Red Days – Slimming World speak for restricted carbs. In an effort to drop weight, Red days (Original plan) are the way to go. But coupled with regular distance running? Possibly not the best idea in the world. I have lost four pounds since we spoke last, so there’s no denying its effective; but running requires energy, and lean meats and vegetables just won’t cut it. It’s back to Extra Easy for me.

So there you are. Red, blue, and no white – I got scorched on Sundays long run and now I look like Dougal from Fr Ted in his holiday snaps. Sigh.

I hate running.


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