A Pain in the Arse

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Only a wee short post to keep the blog rolling. To keep things direct, here’s a no-nonsense list of how things have been going since the Dublin Half Marathon and what’s up next.

1. The Dublin Half was a great experience, but my legs really hurt for the rest of that day. I pushed myself a bit harder into a 12 minute mile which, for me, is nippy over a longer than 10k distance.

2. I downloaded my official marathon photos – hilarious. I look like a sweaty fridge.

3. During the half marathon, I could feel what I believe to be my glutes tightening up. I went to physio a couple of days later and got some deep tissue massage done in this area.

4. It hurt.

5. I tried running again a day or two later, things felt tight still.

6. The morning of the trip to Blackpool, I got up early to do a five miler. Tighter still. I tried lengthening my stride to stretch myself out a bit, but that hurt even more and I ended up doing a brisk walk.

7. I took my running gear to Blackpool as I fully intended to fit in at least a five mile run along the prom! This did not happen. Instead, I got pissed and ate Wagon Wheels. Not an entire waste of a weekend to be fair! I had great fun. But as I plodded around the Pleasure Beach, I could feel a dull burn in my right bum cheek/lower back area. Hmmmm. More drink!

8. Home from Blackpool too late to attempt the 18 mile long run that was scheduled. So I ate crap and planned to do it the next day (Monday).

9. It rained so heavily and consistently all day, that I reckoned it would be a good idea to do the 18 mile run in the gym. I brought wet gear with me in case things dried up, but it didn’t. And I didn’t do 18 miles on the treadmill. I did three and a half, and it hurt like hell.

10. The next day, I tried again. I drove to where I knew there was a totally flat route. A mile along, the feckin path was flooded because of the biblical rains! I turned back, and plodded another two miles. Pain pain pain, limping, half skipping, walking – a mess.

11. Panic is setting in at this stage.

12. What the feck do I do now? My arse didn’t hurt like this til the physio told me it was tight! I went in with a dicky hamstring and got my bum rubbed – apparently it was being caused by my tight glutes. I did all the stretches she told me to, but they kinda hurt. Is this good or bad? Do I go back to her? Do I go to my GP? Who will probably refer me to physio anyway?

13. Lightbulb. Dr Rebain. He knows what he’s at! He fixed me before! I rang, I got an appointment for the next day (so lucky by the way). My panic was still simmering, but I felt happy to be going to see him. Is this what faith is?

14. Sure enough, my pelvis was out of joint again. That bastard injury bestowed on me in the early 90s in a car accident. It was out on the right side, thus affecting everything downward. Hamstring, dicky under-ankle-foot pain, the works. As I explained my various ills to him, he nodded knowingly and a quick check confirmed his suspicions. Pelvis. Crunch crunch, Cheerio. Rest for the remainder of the day.

15. Day after osteopath, things feel good! They feel a bit…..normal? Better not jinx things. A five miler awaits me. Slow and steady. I’m shitting myself, because I am seriously sick of having to stop my run because of pain. Worried sick to be honest. Anyway, off I went. I decided just to start walking, for a mile at least, to warm everything up. Things felt good. That weird feeling, like a tight rubber band around my arse and thighs, wasn’t there. That arse pain wasn’t there. In short, a very slow but consistent run – completed! I was so happy.

16. I ate a bag of Marks and Spencer’s Salt and Black Pepper pretzels and drank some chocolate milk to celebrate.

17. That was yesterday, today is today. I’ve been walking around gingerly (nothing new there I know), worried that the pain is going to return. I can’t ‘run through’ pain. It disrupts my train of thought and panics me. Sometimes I think I can feel it returning, but I try not to think about it in case my brain makes it real.

18. I will end on this point. I have my eighteen miles to do tomorrow. I’m so worried that I won’t complete it. There’s only one more long run to do after this, and then it’s taper time. I’ve run 14 and 16 miles before, slowly of course; but I finished them both. I don’t want to be standing at the start in New York, with a cloud over me because I hadn’t completed all my long training runs.

So if any of you out there are reading this, say a prayer to whatever God you subscribe to that I succeed in my running endeavour tomorrow. I don’t care if its a sixteen minute mile, I just want Lance Armstrong to congratulate me on my longest workout on my Nike Plus app.

Fingers crossed.


I stuck this photo in because it’s funny. And true.


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