21 Pounds / Starting all Over

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So. Here we are again.

Another Monday awash with good intentions and unrealistic optimism for the week ahead. My posts of a year ago tell me that I was 12st 7lb (average) back then – and rather less delighted about it than I should have been. I’m much less delighted now as my hulking mass of 14 stone stares guiltily at the screen in front, and I can feel every pound of my gain spilling uncomfortably out of my clothes. I’ve had to go up a jeans size, and even at that – things are more snug than they ought to be. This is the first time since 2009 I have experienced any sustained weight gain, and I’m not fucking happy about it. But who’s to blame? Nobody but me. Yet again, piles of reasons but no excuse. I just don’t have that fanatical discipline, the desire to whip up new dishes, the effortless determination that I had when I started Slimming World. The longing to be thin and toned is still there, but I seem to be sub-consciously avoiding any and all steps to logically achieving this. The ‘bad’ foods addiction is well and truly gripping me, and I can’t seem to break the spell.

 

It’s all so dramatic this, isn’t it? Any rational person would just shut the fuck up and get on with it. Not saying I’m totally irrational, but my behaviour at the minute in terms of nutrition is anything but sensible. The change? Life has changed totally. From 2008 until March of this year, I spent my days working in a job that I didn’t particularly enjoy, that didn’t engage me, and afforded me time to concentrate on food and on exercise. Now, I have my own business – a fucking food business. Probably not the smartest move for a fat bastard, but the only move I ever wanted to make in terms of a career. It’s great though, and I’m enjoying it, but it’s like a heroin addict setting up a needle store. It is literally wall to wall temptation. Scones, cakes, traybakes, chocolate, ice cream…..and that’s just the sweet stuff. I also stock an impressive butchers sausage, best eaten with bbq sauce and melted cheese. Proper bread. Floury baps. The works. A 21 pound gain probably isn’t that bad all things considered, but still. For all the naughty deliciousness, I also have healthy alternatives. All my soups are syn-free, as is my stew. I have free flowing baked potatoes and salad! Do I want to eat them? Do I fuck! Do I want to be a tubby bastard though? No.

Another big change is the amount of free time I have now. I don’t really have a great deal. Typically, I am working a six day week which means around 70 hours a week, usually more. Then again, if I was more disciplined and organised, I would probably be working less. Eitherway, after a 12 hour day, the last thing I feel like doing is getting changed and going for a run. Plus, after almost a year off from running long distances, I’m scared to try. It’ll feel like starting all over, but that’s because I would be! Having said that, pain is temporary, and at least now I know what to expect. I need to feel the fear and do it anyway. Lolz at that. It’s not like I haven’t been trying to get my shit together – I have. I’m back into the old ‘start Monday’ mindset. To be fair, I think I deserve my indulgences. I’m not a drinker, or a big smoker, and I don’t do drugs – food is my way of rewarding myself for work done, for celebrating, for consoling, for comfort. I just have to re-realise and re-accept that I can’t be trusted to limit my indulgences.

 

So after all that, what’s happening? Well, it’s Monday, and I have ‘started again’ again. It’s roughly nine weeks til my birthday, and I’d very much like to be 12st 7lb again for then. I need to lose 21 pounds in those nine weeks – an average of just over 2lb per week. It’s not just about numbers though, and simple arithmetic is only simple on paper. Challenge 2: Run a half-marathon on Boxing Day. Why Boxing Day? Why not. It would be too much to run it on my birthday, and I can’t be coping with unrealistic targets at the minute! So I’m choosing to run the day after the biggest carb-loading day/week of the year – it actually makes sense! I downloaded a Half Marathon app and I’m going to follow it up until the event date. Hopefully I stick to my word instead of throwing it at my arse along with everything else. Sad face.

 

Anyway, hope you’re all keeping well, sorry I am a shitty blogger these days – there’s loads of comments I have to moderate etc, but I’m such a lazy hoor. Sorry again! Give us a wee comment sure, who knows, I might even answer!

 

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Today Is The Day…

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After all my many weeks and months of talking the marathon talk, it is time to walk the walk. Or run the walk, if you will. Today sees the beginning of the sixteen week training programme, culminating in race day on Sunday 4th November. It’s starting to feel more real now, and I’m getting nervous! Hopefully nervous energy is good, and I can funnel some of it into my fundraising effort.

As I’ve said before, I’m running this marathon for me; so I’ve paid for the trip and the race entry myself. Given I only intend to do this marathon once, it makes sense to try and raise some money for charity – so at least when I’m vomiting in Central Park and hating everything to do with marathons, I’ll know that some good has come from my sweaty endeavours!

In order to spread the love, I’ve decided to raise money for two charities, one local and one national. The local one, as most of you know, is Southern Area Hospice Services. This hospice provides exceptional care to terminally ill patients and relies on donations to keep going. My grandmother, who had cancer, was nursed here so the Hospice has always been a charity very close to our family and it was a natural choice. The national charity is the Alzheimer’s Society, the leading UK care and research charity for people with Alzheimer’s and other dementias. My grandfather suffered from Alzheimer’s and though his symptoms were relatively mild, it did put strain on the family, and caused him a great deal of unhappiness. There are hundreds of equally deserving charities that can be, and should be, supported; but these two made the cut because of the personal experience and due to the fact that I’ll most likely inherit one or both of these conditions!

I’d love to get a good total raised, so I’m asking politely for your help. I have no intention of badgering anyone, so this will be my first and last post about this on here. If you’d like to donate, you can hop on over to www.justgiving.com/teams/bigfatmarathon
As you can see, the BigFatMarathon team consists of me and Grainne Moody, hence the two pages – one for the Hospice and one for Alzheimer’s, so you can pick and choose your charity. Similarly, you can donate via text and choose your charity that way too!

To donate to Southern Area Hospice Services, text BFMA99 to 70070 followed by the amount you wish to donate

To donate to the Alzheimer’s Society, text BFMA88 to 70070 followed by the amount you wish to donate

Simple! Well, it could be simpler, but JustGiving decided to complicate things a bit. Anyway….. For those of you who like to keep it old school, there will be some sponsor cards floating about too! All cash donations will be split evenly between the two charities.

I think that’s about it! I hope I haven’t bored you with this one, but I thought I better get it out of the way. Speaking of which, I need to get my first days training out of the way too as I have an evening of creating sponsor cards ahead of me!

Toodles for now,
McCooey